As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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