We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
