Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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