You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
