I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
