i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
