I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
