Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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