I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
