so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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