i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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