So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
