the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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