I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
