M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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