You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
