The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
