i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
And then he peed in my hair
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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