Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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