Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
