I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
