That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
