Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
