his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
