Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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