Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
