I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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