what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize