Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
