Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
