i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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