so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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