Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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