im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
