Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
