The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
