my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
