i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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