Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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