I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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