ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it because I queefed?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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