hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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