I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
