Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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