You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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