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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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