Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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