The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
