kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
