At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
being pregnant is like rehab
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
