I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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