Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
