OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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