new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
