His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
