I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
