on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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