i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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