Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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