I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
