i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
