Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is the high leading the old right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
