Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
