After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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