Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
