I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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