It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
COCAINE IS GR8
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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