I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
